Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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