we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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