Screwed.edu
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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