I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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