My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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