i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
