just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
