we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
