exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
