How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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