oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
