does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
