im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
