I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
