Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
