I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
