i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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