I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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