after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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