And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, beer. Big fan.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
