roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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