I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
