Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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