david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dicks are not precious.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
