dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
