It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
