The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
