So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
