you guys were way drunker than both of me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
