I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
