I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
