I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
