I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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