Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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