dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
