dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
