billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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