Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
