i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
