listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
