Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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