My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
