There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
