I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
