remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
