PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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