I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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