Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
