i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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