I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
