If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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