So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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